4 Things I'm Leaving in 2019 (HELLO 2020!)

Happy New Years everyone!

If you’re reading this on the day this post was published, then we just kicked off 2020, and I hope you had an AMAZING time celebrating with your families. If you are anything like me, you LOVE this time of year because it means reflection and goal-setting.

But this New Year’s looks a little bit different for me.

You see-- in years’ past my “resolutions” were all about things I wanted to do MORE of in the new year. I wanted to exercise more, put out more free content, or make more money. And while I do still have some of those “more” resolutions this year (hint: I want to make MORE positive impact in the lives of MORE entrepreneurs this year!), I am actually focusing more on what I want to do LESS of, or even cut out completely.

As I look back on this year, SO much was amazing. I enrolled hundreds of people into Play Cafe Academy (and thousands more into my other programs!) and I was able to connect with some truly amazing people. However, this year was pretty challenging for me personally.

I dealt a lot with limiting beliefs and never feeling “good enough”. I focused way too much on what others thought and I limited my growth as a result. 

Specifically, there are 4 things I am challenging myself to leave in 2019-- and ELIMINATE (or cut-back on drastically) in 2020.

And P.S.— Are these things you struggle with as well? Leave a comment, I would love to know!

1) CARING ABOUT THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS

This is probably the toughest one for me to talk/ write about because I still struggle with it constantly. And I’m not necessarily referring to the hesitation we can sometimes feel before hitting the “post” or “publish” buttons because we fear being judged-- I had to kick that fear to the curb a LONG time ago (wasn’t easy!).

I’m referring to the little voice in my head that sometimes whispers, “but what will ____ think” when I make an important decision.

For example, our lease at our Victor location is coming to an end in a few short months, so we are inevitably faced with some very tough decisions. Do we re-sign? Do we move locations? Do we sell the victor location?

All of these options will have MAJOR implications on my own life and also the lives of my family members. Yes, of course my choice will also affect our thousands of customers, but not NEARLY as much or in the same, day-in-and-day-out way.

However, when I was beginning to weigh the options a few months back I found myself not only considering my family’s thoughts-- but also the thoughts of people who really had no stake in my decision.

I worried what my competitors would think, what my business peers would think, even what my parents would think.

I spent altogether too much time WORRYING about people who, yes, might judge my decision-- but who would not *really* be impacted. In fact, they’d likely completely forget about any decision as quickly as they heard about it.

There is a bible verse that says “do not give dogs what is holy”, and that is the exact mindset I am planning to employ in 2020. I am going to ensure that not only am I placing MY own family and MY OWN businesses first-- but I am also going to ensure that I am NOT wasting one second of precious time worrying about being judged or criticized by anyone that does not have a true stake in my success or in the outcome of a decision.

2) PARTICIPATING IN TOXIC HABITS

The second thing I am planning to LEAVE in 2019 and not carry into 2020 is toxic habits, and toxic relationships.

I have seen more than EVER this year that you do truly end up becoming the average of who you surround yourself with.  I spent too much of 2019 surrounding myself with people who lacked the same drive and ambition I like to believe I have, and it caused me to underachieve far too often.

Too often did my goals to get sidetracked by staying up too late, binge-watching Netflix, or having one glass of wine too many and hitting “snooze” on my alarm in the morning. Or, I would set my goals TOO LOW because I was basing them off of everyone around me-- and NOT based on my own potential.

This year I am planning to not only “resolve” to wake up earlier and take better care of my body, but I am planning to remove any habits that are not conducive to those two goals. While of course I still intend to spend time with friends and take business “breaks” this year-- I intend to filter every invitation or activity through a “filter”. Before making a decision, I plan to ask myself:

• Is this going to increase my impact or grow my business?

• Is this allowing me to spend time with my family or friends?

• Is this conducive to my goal of getting up earlier and taking care of my body?

   

If I can’t say “yes” to at least two of those things, I will probably decline the invitation or choose to not participate in the activity.

I have big goals for 2020 and I am not letting even the best Law and Order: SVU marathon derail me!

3) RETREATING 

This was probably my BIGGEST challenge in 2019. And if you’re not sure what “retreating” means, I will share this quote from Grant Cardone.

“‘Retreaters’ are people who take actions in reverse, often to avoid negative experiences they imagine might happen by taking action. If you have an attitude of, “there’s nothing I can do,” that would be a retreat.”

For me, this “retreating” attitude popped up frequently when I was launching a new initiative, workshop, challenge-- something like that.

I’d work SO hard leading upto the “launch” and put in dozens and dozens of work hours to ensure every landing page, email sequence, and Facebook ad was absolutely perfect and ready-to-go.

However, MID-launch was where problems started to arose.

I found myself losing energy and not knowing why.

I was avoiding my inbox because I didn’t “feel like” answering questions from prospective customers. I was canceling or “half-assing” live videos because I didn’t feel they’d make a difference. I’d avoid pivoting and trying new things if what I had already set-up wasn’t working as well as I’d hoped.

Now I clearly see that this was RETREATING behavior.

I had such a mental block around launching and not hitting my goals that I self-sabotaged myself until I SURELY would never reach my goals.

And all of this was out of fear and self-doubt.

What if people didn’t like the program? What if people asked for a refund? What if I get a lot of negative feedback?

These thoughts were all running through my head constantly at the beginning of the year. And even though I still have not had ONE course refund request to this day, I knew that my lack-of-confidence was around the visual and audio quality of the program.

I had NO problem standing behind the content-- but the videos were messy and in different locations and the audio had a TON of glitches.

So towards the end of this year I decided to re-record my ENTIRE Play Cafe Academy course from start to finish to reduce this factor and UP my confidence in my program.

It was hard and took FOREVER to do but it was 100% worth it. The feedback on the updates has been incredible and I now sell my course with COMPLETE confidence. 

I have one big launch per quarter planned for this year and retreating is NO LONGER an option. 

2020 is the year of expelling all of that negative self-talk and self-doubt from my mind and I am going to make sure that the strategies I’ve been adopting to make sure of this (thanks The Life Coach School Podcast!) stay top-of-mind and top-priority.

4) APOLOGIZING

This is another one that’s hard to talk about but something I have struggled with for YEARS is over-apologizing.

And while I am trying to reduce the amount I apologize across the board, like for example when I apologize to someone for taking too long to reply to a non-urgent email or text, this year I am specifically trying to reduce the amount of time I need for myself and for my business.

If you’re a parent and a full-time entrepreneur, I am sure you can relate to my struggle.

Because I don’t have a “real” 9-5 job like my husband does, I find myself desperately carving out time to accomplish everything and still get some self-care in. Since my two kids are with me most of the day, every day, I often wake up at 4 or 5am just to get some quiet work hours in. And since that is usually my gym time, that means I sometimes exercise at night.

And I apologize for it. CONSTANTLY.

If I can’t make dinner that night, if I am late for bedtime, if I want to take a shower when my kids are awake, if I want to run to the store solo, if I have a training I have to do at night, I apologize.

Everything that relates to MY business comes second to the “real” job. And it’s entirely my fault.

Instead of putting blocks of time I need on the calendar or heading to Starbucks for a few hours on the weekend or hiring a sitter-- in 2019 I allowed my business to exist only in those small pockets of time I carved for myself.

But that’s changing this year. 

Now that I am bringing in enough substantial income, I can certainly justify it more.

But I wish I would have done myself the favor of taking the time I needed to work on my business and NOT apologizing for it from the beginning.

I certainly would have gotten here a lot faster and I would not have spent so many late-night or early-morning hours feeling desperate and frazzled and resentful of my husband’s real job that always felt a billion times more important.

YES my “job” has much more flexibility, which is exactly why I do what I do, but that does not mean it does not require time or that I am somehow less deserving of time.

Ok-- so here’s the OTHER (related) thing I’m no longer apologizing for.

Wanting & needing to spend time ALONE.

Even if I just want to sit upstairs for a few minutes and be ALONE after my kids go to bed I apologize.

As an introvert, being a business owner AND a mom is a huge struggle for me.

From the second I wake up until the second I go to sleep (and let’s be honest, my kids also almost always sleep in my bed with me) I am almost always WITH someone. Whether its my kids or my husband or a client, alone time is RARE.

And if you’re an introvert you know that’s a recipe for disaster.

Alone time (even if it’s a few minutes upstairs taking a bath without my 3-year-old playing in the bathroom cabinets alongside me) is absolutely crucial to my mental health. And my mental health is absolutely crucial to my businesses’ success.

This year I am taking the alone time I need to re-charge and I am not apologizing for it. For me, it’s as vital as getting enough sleep or making sure I drink enough water.

DO YOU RELATE TO ANY OF THESE? WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU ARE LEAVING IN 2019? COMMENT THEM BELOW! 

IF YOU WANT TO SKIP OVER (MOST OF) THE DIFFICULTIES I FACED WHILE I WAS GETTING MY BUSINESS OFF THE GROUND, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO READ MORE AND JOIN US OVER IN PLAY CAFE ACADEMY! SEE YOU THERE.

DON’T FORGET TO DOWNLOAD OUR FREE ONLINE GUIDE: OPENING AN INDOOR PLAYGROUND FROM DAYDREAM TO OPENING DAY!